Finding Our Everything
by Chasing Fantasies
Summary: Returning from Neverland Emma should have been able to move on, to really start her life in Storybrooke. But how can she do that when she refuses to accept all of her misgivings? How can she start over when she's stuck in the past? She's on the verge of running away from everything she's ever wanted. She needs someone. She needs someone to see her, to see the real Emma Swan.
1. Chapter 1

A/N at the bottom

Disclaimer: I don't own O.U.A.T

* * *

Emma smiled. With blonde hair curling around her, she stood unmoving in a crowd of faces. Teeth glinted softly in the light as she tried to laugh in good nature only the grip she had on her glass betrayed her anxious and nervous feelings. When people clapped her on the back and gave the most sincere congratulations she tried not to wince.

Smiles, over and over it was just smiles all around.

She fought the nervous tic to yelp when someone came and playfully bumped shoulders. Ruby grinned in a way that Emma decided only Ruby could. It was lusty and endearing all at the same time. The long-legged brunette gripped her in a tight hug.

"Have I ever told you how absolutely amazing you are?" She asked loudly over the crowd. Emma's fingers all about crushed the glass in her hand. She was almost in a full blown panic attack at this point.

"_Smile. Please just keep smiling..." _What was wrong with her?

"Seriously, first it was the curse with Regina and Gold and then it was Neverland with Peter Pan, you've really come through for us _Savior_." Ruby exclaimed moving her hands excitedly in wild gestures.

Maybe it was the way she had said the title. Maybe it was the title itself, but all of a sudden Emma just felt crowded. The other part of her just felt pathetic. It had been only two days ago that she, Killian, Regina, and the Charmings had returned safely with Henry and a defeated Pan before a party was thrown in their honor. And sure enough here they all were at Granny's diner.

It seemed as if the entire town had been crammed together in the small restaurant. They were all in here together and they were all congratulating her. She should have felt honored.

What had she really done though to deserve any of this? They may have gotten Henry back, but wasn't she the one who lost him? Furthermore when Emma got right down to it, Regina had a larger part of saving their son then she did.

"_Her son… not mine…" _She quietly reprimanded herself. A flash of pain ached in her chest. When had she started doing that? When had she forsaken Henry – once again – as her son?

But she loved him. Nothing would change that fact. She loved Henry more than she loved herself.

She smiled politely at Ruby before excusing herself to a farther corner in the room. Specifically an area of the room where no one would bother her, where no one would see her. She let her shoulders touch the wall as she attempted to force herself to relax. Lips sipped tiredly at the beer in her hand hoping that she could just forget.

"_When was the last time I got wasted?" _ She mused quietly. When she lived in Boston barely a day would pass that Emma hadn't gone out to drink a little more than she should have. There were also more than a few occasions that she wouldn't be alone when she finally dragged herself home from the bar. That was just who she had been.

"_That's who you are…"_

_No_. Those had been the dark days. They were the days before Henry, before Storybrooke, before everything. And yet somehow in her heart, she knew this wasn't completely unlike Boston as much as she tried to convince herself otherwise.

Green eyes traveled throughout the room and it wasn't hard to spot her parents.

Jesus, her parents. She had parents. Mary-Margaret and David were her parents. Emma had yet to get over that. She had yet to explore all the emotional turmoil she knew would come with it.

And Neal? He was here. He was living in Storybrooke. The man who she was in love with eleven years ago. The man who framed her and left her to rot in jail. The man who is Henry's father.

Then there was the other problem of course. The problem that she refused to even acknowledge because it was just so _fucked up_ in her mind. And it had everything to do with _her. _It always came back to _her_.

She couldn't deal with this. She simply wasn't equipped.

"_Similar to how you're not equipped to properly take care of your own son?" _The nasty thought crossed her mind unwillingly and she hated herself for it.

Her head was spinning and the deep ache in her chest pounded like a jackhammer. She didn't understand. What was _wrong_ with her? She felt sick. Everything was spinning and Emma knew suddenly she needed to leave. She refused to be congratulated again, refused to have to look at her parents, her son, she refused to be called savior one more time.

Grabbing another beer, Emma hated herself. She knew what she was doing. She knew all too well because for the majority of her life it was all she had done. She was running. And she couldn't stop herself. She didn't want to.

She quickly exited the diner, not noticing a pair of brown eyes following her all the way out.

"Fuck!" Was the first thing that came from her mouth when the cool air hit her face. Emma withheld a choked sob. She felt nauseous. She felt like she was going to puke her guts out. She felt out of control.

Clenching her fists, she doubled down over her knees and shut her eyes desperately breathing.

"_Stop it Swan, get your shit together for Christ's sake!" _ She took a swig of the beer in her hand, scrunching her face in distaste at the burn in her throat. Then she took another swig. And another, until finally she just determinedly finished the entire bottle.

Anything thing to just help ease the pain.

She could feel her anger just boiling and stewing inside of her. Honestly, she should have expected this. In the entire year that the blonde Sheriff had been in Storybrooke she had yet to come to terms with certain things, yet to face the battles she knows she can't win. A guttural sound emerged from her throat and she threw the beer bottle as far as she could watching as it shattered against the wall.

It fell into a million tiny pieces on the ground, scattered and broken far beyond repair.

"Miss Swan…" Heels clicked against concrete. A sound Emma had become all too familiar with this town. A sound that she secretly and refused to ever admit that she loved. It was a matter of seconds that the blonde had to compose herself. Wash away the anger and desperation from her face, planting a smile of neutrality in its place.

What she couldn't stop was the clenching of her fists and hammering of her heart as she looked up to face Regina Mills.

* * *

When Regina walked outside she hadn't quite known what to expect. She wasn't even sure as to why she had followed Emma out there in the first place. The mayor didn't know why her eyes followed Emma all night as the blonde awkwardly made her way through the party, as she isolated herself at a gathering meant to celebrate their return. It had been unlike the woman she had grown to know.

Nonetheless when she approached the birth mother of her child doubled over and practically hyperventilating outside she was confused. When Emma stood up and smiled _falsely _in attempts to make Regina believe that she was not hyperventilating moments ago she was even more confused and if not the slightest irritated.

"Miss Swan…?" She murmured questioningly, eyebrow raised.

"And here I thought we we're finally on a first name basis…" Emma's voice was tight and there was no hiding the bitter and angry sentiments underneath of it. She knew it was there, but she couldn't do anything to stop it.

"What are you doing out here?" She managed to finally get out, lighter than the tone she had used earlier.

"I just thought I'd come get some air… are you quite alright dear?" She lied easily enough, not wanting to delve into the real reasons she had come out here.

God, Emma felt nauseous again and Regina's question just made her ache. Of course she wasn't alright; there were a million things that weren't right with her at this moment. "Huh? Oh no yeah, I'm fine…" She said pathetically.

Silence permeated the air between them again and Emma stepped upped and breathed shakily trying to grin. "I-it was just a little too crowded for me in there and…" She trailed off not really know where she was going with it.

Regina looked at Emma as she continued to struggle with her words. She could see Emma practically begging her to say something, but she didn't. Regina didn't say anything at all. A part of her wanted to, she wanted to say something to the blonde, but she didn't know what. She wasn't exactly the comforting type… and they weren't exactly _friends_.

Somehow it hurt Regina a little bit to think about that. They weren't friends.

The silence reigned between them and as Emma stared across the small distance between them and it seemed like a thousand miles. She would take anything to make the silence go away. She needed something to cling to. She needed _someone_ to cling to, someone to help her not _run_.

She just didn't know how to ask for help, she never had….

Blonde eyebrows knitted together in disappointment and in anger at Regina's continued silence. She really didn't care about her. Emma had thought after what they had discussed a few days ago, after what happened in Neverland they could talk. They could talk like normal people, like acquaintances, like... people who tolerated each other?

Emma forced herself to grin again weakly before finally speaking, "I'm not feeling too well you know and I have to get up for work in the morning to so I think I'm just going to head home…"

Regina bit her lip. "Emma-"

"Tell Henry I said goodnight."

And with that she walked off without another glance towards the mayor. Regina on the other hand watched as her form trailed off into the night. She watched Emma leave and she did nothing.

Eventually, Regina walked back inside the diner to go sit with her son, to go sit with Emma's son.

"_Our son…"_

* * *

Regina tucked Henry into his bed. By the time they had gotten home around midnight the boy had practically been sleep walking, mumbling unintelligible words as he went. The brunette had been able to make out one thing though.

"I love you mom." He had said before finally closing his eyes and falling asleep in his bed. She smiled placing a chaste kiss on his head before whispering the sentiment back, "I love you too Henry."

When she went to go to bed as well, she found herself stuck at the door watching her sleeping son. She would have never believed that this is how everything would turn out. First when the savior came to town effectively ruining her relationship with Henry, and then losing him to Pan of all people in Neverland. Never had she thought it would end here with him in his bed at home with her…

Unconsciously she frowned remembering the conversation she had a few days ago.

_Flashback_

"_Regina." _

_The mayor turned around from her position on the ship. It would only be another day before they finally landed back in Storybrooke, before they would finally be home. "Miss Swan." She said curtly. Eyeing the woman Regina found she didn't know what exactly to think about the blonde anymore especially after what happened in Neverland._

_Maybe that's why she couldn't help but feel angry whenever she saw the blonde even though there was absolutely no reason to…_

_Emma smiled. "I wanted to talk to you about something…" Regina scoffed and promptly turned back. She could never seem to have a moment of peace. _

"_About what?"_

"_Henry." Regina's eyebrows knitted together in anger. Of course it would be about this. Of course Emma was going to pull this. She had been waiting for this, waiting for the moment Emma would come back and do this to her. Turning around she walked right up to the savior with fury lighting her eyes. _

"_If you think for one second that I'm letting you take him away from me again, you really are an incompetent idiot. He is my son to! And even if he chooses to live with you, it doesn't mean that I can't-" _

"_I want him to move back in with you." Emma said apathetically unfazed by her anger._

_Regina stood dumbfounded. Schooling her face into one of neutrality quickly she asked the only intelligible thing she could, "Excuse me?" _

"_I want Henry to move back in with you." The savior once again said with finality. _

"_Why?" She couldn't help but question. _

_Emma shrugged her shoulders and her eyes fell to the ground almost nervously. "He's a growing boy, he needs stability in his life… and it's a little crowded in that apartment you know? Plus with Mary-Margaret and David trying to have another kid, I figured…"_

_Silence reigned between the two of them._

"_If you don't want to have him then I'll take care of him, it's no big deal. I'm looking for a new apartment anyway, I just thought that it would be nice for you and the kid-"_

"_No!" Regina jumped in a little too quickly not wanting to lose the chance to have her son back home with her even if it might only be temporary. "I mean its fine; I really would like Henry to stay with me. He's my son; of course I would love to have him to come home finally."_

_Emma winced at her words and for the life of her Regina couldn't figure out why. The blonde pulled out a small smile, "Yeah, I know he's your son." She whispered softly. _

_Regina missed the statement all together thinking ahead of how they would break it to him. What if he didn't want to live with her? "He'll be surprised; he might think I'm forcing you to do this… he might not even want to come…" _

_Emma put a hand on Regina's shoulder and the brunette felt her nerves whittle away as Emma stared at her. "We'll talk to him together. And he wants to come home Regina, he loves you and he misses you just as much as you miss him." She said encouragingly. _

_Regina smiled feeling almost happy. Henry was coming home to her. "Thank you Miss Swan." She said softly on principle before turning to walk away quickly wanting to find her boy and hold him tight like she used to._

_She left Emma standing there again, not noticing the dark bags under her eyes, and not watching the grin fall from her face. _

_End Flashback_

It hadn't been until they were both speaking to Henry that Regina thought back to realize something might have been wrong. Yet by the time they were next together Emma had seemed fine and Regina just thought it was a figment of her imagination and she focused again on how happy she was to have her son back.

When they had finally talked to him he had been surprised, but when Emma promised that she would still always be around for him he readily agreed to go back home with Regina. She had never felt so happy as when he said yes.

Coming out of her fantasies she glanced at the clock and saw it was almost one, yet she didn't feel the slightest bit tired. Sighing, she settled on sipping a small glass of wine in the living room. It wasn't long before her eyes started to close and she began to fall to sleep.

That's why when her phone went off creating an obscenely amount of noise Regina was more than a little annoyed. Picking up her cellphone to see who was calling it did nothing to settle her as see Snow's name flash across the screen.

When she answered the phone, she hissed furiously. "Did you know what time it is Snow when you picked up your phone to call or did you somehow forego looking at a clock?"

"Oh!" The brunette heard the surprise at her anger, but she was too tired to care. "I'm so sorry Regina, I just wanted to check and make sure Emma was okay…" She managed to say even with the slight slur in her voice.

Regina was just about to ask what the hell the pixie-haired woman was talking about until she was cut off, "I know that she said she'd be okay and that she was just spending the night at your house to be with Henry, but oh! I just worry so much! She's my little princess! She is okay isn't she? She got their okay?"

Regina was silent.

"Regina?" The phone buzzed. "She is there right?"

"Yes, of course she is Snow. Really though if you think it's acceptable to send your grown daughter here for me to babysit in the middle of the night you are sadly mistaken. You're lucky I let her in at all, I can promise you it won't happen again."

"Thank you so much Re-"

"Good night." She finished curtly before hanging up the phone.

Regina placed the phone on the table before staring at it. Emma told her parents she was coming here. Emma was _clearly_ not here. Emma had told Regina she was going home. Emma was _clearly_ also not there. And then Regina had _lied_ about Emma being here. This was not normal for her. Truthfully she had no idea where the blonde was.

An unsettling weight formed in her stomach.

Brown eyes glanced back to the clock.

_1:30am_

She could easily be at Ruby's, spending the night with her slut of a friend. She was a grown woman and fully capable of handling herself. If anything Regina should be angry that she had used her name in lying to her parents. There was no reason to bring her into it, especially if she was staying at the leggy wolfs place…

_1:31am_

"Shit." Regina cursed quietly before getting up and grabbing her coat. Henry would be dead to the world till late morning and would be fine. She left a note just to be safe before opening up the door and leaving to find Emma.

"She better be dead or dying when I find her for this…" She seethed trying to ignore the other emotion in her heart. The part of her heart that was genuinely worried about her, the part that seemed to beat faster whenever Emma was around.

"_Emma…"_

She had checked all over town, drove through the streets, down to the beach, to Granny's diner, and even Ruby's place. Emma was literally nowhere to be found. And Regina was now more than a little worried about where she had gone.

When she pulled up to the police station, she prayed she was here because there was literally nowhere else for her to go. The first thing she heard when entered the building was the music. Blaring through the dark hallways it was almost overbearing. The next thing she heard was laughing and that was how she knew she had finally found Emma Swan.

Walking briskly around the corner in her silk pajama pants and overcoat she intended to give Emma a piece of her mind. The blonde would know exactly how angry she was with her.

Further still the blonde might even learn just how worried she had made her…

What she found though when she walked into the sheriff's office was not at all what she expected. Her nose scrunched in distaste at the smell of alcohol that rolled out of the small room. She could see the whiskey bottles strewn haphazardly across the desk in the corner.

Crumpled papers were thrown all across the room; it looked like Emma's chair might have gotten flung across as it well. The pictures that we're once hanging on the wall laid broken on the ground and in the middle of it all Emma was dancing barefoot to the music blaring.

As brown eyes took in the blonde figure, she wouldn't be surprised if Emma hadn't gone home at all that night. She was in the precariously tight jeans she was wearing earlier and her white tank, her hideous red jacket laying on the floor in the dark.

The music playing was slow and slow. Regina had never ever heard it before and she never would have pegged the sheriff for this type of music either. Still, in the chaos the mayor stood entranced and almost frightened of Emma.

It seemed like forever before the blonde finally took notice of Regina at the doorway. She stopped dancing and broke out into a huge grin that didn't look right on her face. "'Gina!" She slurred.

It was at that moment that Regina wondered just how much the blonde had to drink that night.

She had been crying to. At some point she must have been sobbing that night because Regina could see even in the dim lighting Emma's puffy bloodshot eyes. The tear stains that had left trails down her white cheeks shone with a surprising clarity in the dark room. It all looked foreign on the blonde, Regina had never seen her like this.

"Miss Swan…" She said hesitantly. Her heart was hammering uncontrollably in her chest, but some part of her realized that something was wrong here, something that she should have already known.

Emma ran to collect her and pulled the older woman into a tight hug. Regina flushed at the embrace; Emma's breath was on her neck and she reeked of whiskey. If not for the tight grip Regina would have recoiled at the smell.

The blonde pressed her lips to Regina's shoulder quickly before trailing them to Regina's ear. Her tongue flicking out momentarily as Regina gasped at the contact. She was sure her face was bright red now.

"Emma." The blonde said in sultry voice.

"What?" Regina spluttered.

Emma laughed into her and the sound vibrated through her chest. "My name is Em-ma, not Miss Swan…" The blonde finished with a pout before pulling out of the hug laughing. Regina stood unmoving, too shocked at the feeling of their bodies together.

Emma was quick to leave her and go back to the middle of the room to dance. "'Gina!" She called. "Come dance! It's Hozier; it's been so long since I've listened to Hozier!"

Regina found her body moving without any sort of thought whatsoever. It was immediate and Emma just had this inexplainable pull over her. She always had, since their very first meeting.

She carefully tip-toed around the glass in the room, her brown eyes still wide with shock and incomprehension of what was actually going on. And more importantly why she was still letting it happen.

As Emma began to dance again twisting and turning in a way so slow it looked almost painful, it was also beautiful. Regina watched her and she wondered how she hadn't noticed the deep bags under Emma's eyes before. They made her look older, more fragile.

The blonde danced around the room on the balls of her feet effortlessly, her hands sliding down her body sensually that caused an unfamiliar heat in Regina. The words of the song were low and somehow fit the dark setting around them.

When Emma finally came back around toward Regina laughing, she grabbed the older woman pulling her back in close. She put Regina's hands around her neck and skillfully placed her hands around the older woman's waist before having them dance in circles around the room.

It was forwards and then back, side step across and then forward again. It was sloppy and ungraceful and the brunette stumbled more than a few times, but Emma was always quick to catch her and bring her back in to the rhythm.

She realized they were close in height, but Regina finally noticed the good two inches the blonde had on her. How when they were this close she had to look up to meet her green eyes. It was too intimate, more so than Regina had ever allowed before.

"_I need to stop this."_ Regina thought desperately as heat began to pool in her core as she stared into smirking lips and dazed green eyes. What was wrong with her? She shouldn't be doing this right now.

But then Emma started to sing to her with soft hands roaming curiously on hot skin. Regina was frozen.

Fingers dipped under her shirt teasing the olive-skin underneath of it. The arms around the brunettes tightened as she could feel every curve of Emma's defined body.

"_I could not ask you where you came from…" _She hummed softly into her ear. "_I could not ask it, neither could you. Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips…" _Regina held her breath as Emma dragged her lips across her neck before settling in front of her own.

Emma's breath hitched momentarily confused before she continued on without a second thought_. "We could just kiss like real people do."_ Her lips hovered right over Regina's as the music began to slow. The brunette could feel the breath of Emma on her lips; she could feel the scalding marks left across her neck and the touches on her waist. She could taste her own want and desire and she was scared at what Emma would do.

They were so close…

When the music finally ended Emma grinned before breaking out into laughter and backing away childishly. The heat instantly taken away from her body Regina stood just watching. Watching as Emma Swan danced the rest of the night away in a drunken haze.

Somehow she had managed to find herself back to the ruined desk office and Regina could only stare at the empty bottle of whiskey. She could only stare at the broken glass strewn across the floor. She could only stare at the hand gun that was supposed to be locked away with the other weaponry unless needed while on call.

"_Emma…just what is going on with you?" _

* * *

_A/N - Hey, hoped you like it. Drop a review and let me know what you think. Just for reference the song that I used was Like Real People Do by Hozier. He's a pretty good artist and you should take a listen if your interested. Next chapter will hopefully be more on the character development, but any critiques are welcomed_

_Chasing Fantasies _


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N will be at the bottom._

_Disclaimer: I don't own O.U.A.T _

_Warning: Mentions of sexual abuse, and child abuse_

* * *

_Flashback_

"_She's sweet, she is… I'm just not sure she's right for us…" The younger woman said apologetically. Her eyes flitted to the ground as she nervously played with her fingers. The man that stood next to her tightened his grip around her protectively. _

"_Well maybe if you spent a little more time with her I'm sure you could see—" _

"_No." He said firmly. "It's like my wife said she's sweet but she's a little vulgar, behind on her education, and I'm just not sure we are ready to take care of someone who's already had so many problems this early in life. We truly wish her the best of luck though" _

_The wife smiled weakly in agreement and the older lady just sighed in acceptance. It hadn't exactly been the first time this had happened, but she had truly believed this would be the couple. The younger woman had seemed so attached to her. "I understand." _

"_Alright then, we'll call you soon about meeting with Taylor. We're really excited about this one Ms. Carter." The couple was quick to say their goodbyes and head out the door. The older lady stood silently before setting down her glasses on the table. She could feel the headache coming on, but it was better to get this over with now rather than later. _

_She knew she was waiting… just like she always was. _

_Patsy Carter went over to the door to find it already open, with green little eyes staring back out at her. "Emma?" She pushed open the door and the small blonde was standing there with a teddy bear in hand. "Oh Emma you weren't supposed to hear tha—"_

"_I brought Ruffles to show Ms. Lacey." She raised the ratty stuffed animal to her as if to prove a point. Tears were sliding down her pale face and she was sniffling. _

_She had put on her best dress today. It was the only one she owned and it was a little wrinkly, but Emma still thought she looked pretty in it. Ms. Carter had always told her so to. She usually didn't like to wear it cause it was so uncomfortable, but she wore it for Ms. Lacey. She wore it cause she had been so sure, she had done everything right this time. _

_The aging woman frowned sadly getting to her knees, "Honey…"_

_Emma dropped Ruffles on to the floor. One of his eyes had popped out and the seam was ripping, but he was the best thing she owned and she loved him. "What's wrong with me Ms. Carter? Why does my heart hurt so much?" The little girl finally cried out._

_Her small body shook as the tears streamed down her face while her hands stayed clenched at her side. _

_Patsy was quick to grab Emma in her arms and hold her even though the tiny blonde fought back tirelessly. "Somethin's wrong with me! No one ever wants me! I hate all of you!" The orphanage mother just held on all the tighter until finally the young girl quieted to just crying into her shoulder. _

_Patsy held back her own tears at the sound of the hopeless little girl. "There's nothing wrong with you! You hear me Emma? There ain't one thing wrong with you…"_

_At one point Emma would have believed her when she said that, but she was nine now. She's been in the foster system for all of her life and in all of her life ain't no one wanted her, not even her real parents…_

_She felt so alone._

_Flashback End_

Emma woke up sweating and gasping for air. Her knuckles were white and the pressure in the back of her head was overwhelmingly painful. _"It's not real. It's not real, I'm not there anymore. I'm not a kid anymore."_ She moaned at the rush of emotions that surged in her chest and she tried to calm herself.

Why was this happening? Things she had put away so long ago kept coming back up these days. This had been the fifth night in a row that she had woken up practically in hysteria. She was having to re-live her past at night and no matter how much she tried she couldn't make them stop. Her nails dug into the skin of her palm hard. It was painful, but it was a much needed distraction.

She got over this. She got over this years ago and she put it behind her. Why the fuck was it coming back now? She had to focus on something else, anything would do.

Green eyes darted around in the darkness. _"Shit, I don't even know where the fuck I am!" _She was on a couch that she knew wasn't hers. Her couch would never be this comfortable. The one she owned was itchy and hard as a rock.

It wasn't completely unfamiliar though. Knocking off the blanket draped over her she tried to stand, before immediately falling back down hand held to head.

"_Fuck... what the hell hit me…" _She cursed softly, but focused herself to recall last night's events. Grimacing she remembered the party and her conversation with Ruby. Then, then she had been with Regina before leaving. And that's where things went blank.

It felt as if someone had just cut the rest of that night out of her memories. Green eyes slowly looked around in the dark scared to find someone else next to her. She wouldn't have been surprised if she had found someone to go home with, but… she really didn't want to be like that anymore. She didn't want to just sleep around when things got messy.

When she saw that she was by herself she couldn't stop the quiet sigh of relief. She never thought she'd be so happy to be alone in a room. She also thankfully found that she had most of her clothes on to; the only things missing were her shoes and jacket.

The worst thing wrong as far as she could tell was the smell and the splitting headache coming on. She absolutely reeked and that was really saying something. If alcohol was a pure solid concentration Emma was sure she was it.

Deciding it was time to get up she slowly ambled her way to her feet. Her hand rested heavily on the arm of the couch and she had to try to gain her footing feeling more than a little clumsy. It was then that she finally knew where she was and why it seemed so familiar.

She couldn't stop the frown from her face. "Well, shit." And it was in that moment that she finally remembered a few of the events from last night. "Double shit." She cursed softly under breath.

Emma didn't quite know all the details, but she remembered the gist of things. She had been drinking. She had been doing _a lot_ of drinking. Then after she had finished her binge she had gotten angry, no downright furious and then did things she knows she shouldn't have. Things were fuzzy, but the thing that stood out the most was that someone had walked in on her.

Correction, when Regina had walked in on her.

Some parts were edited, but she remembered seeing Regina and the next thing she knew the brunette was helping her stumble out of the Sheriff's office and into her Mercedes. Emma was sure there had been a lot more in between and she knew she also wasn't the best drunk. The blonde could only hope she hadn't said too much or done anything to stupid. Feeling her phone snug perfectly in her pocket she took it out and checked the time.

_5:27am _

Good. It was still early. It looked like no one in the Mills house was awake but her so she could sneak out without a problem. It took her ten minutes to stumble around the room to find her boots and she was sure with her hangover right now she had completely messed up the lacing of the boots.

She also had the feeling she really didn't want to look in a mirror right now. Personal hygiene had never exactly been her strong suit.

Finally heading for the front door all she could think about was how badly she needed to get out of there. She needed to forget this ever happened. She needed Regina to forget this ever happened. No one was supposed to find her last night; she didn't even know how the brunette had found her last night. Emma had just needed some release, some time to let go of everything and she managed to ruin that as well.

Opening the front door, she squinted at the light. _"Damn it…" _ She forget how shitty after morning hangovers were. Grimacing she was about to head out the door before she stopped at the entrance.

Bitter as she was to admit it, Regina flashed through her mind scowl and all.

She had come to get her last night. She had taken care of her and the way she thanked her was by leaving hung-over at the crack of dawn without so much as a goodbye? She was such a douche and Regina deserved better than that – if at least for the kindness that she did for her.

Clumsily making her way into the kitchen she took out what looked like paper and a pen before scrawling a few ineligible words on it. Everything was still a bit fuzzy so Emma had to hope it was at least legible. And then she booked it out of the house and with no car to drive she had a long walk back to her apartment for a much needed shower.

And after that she had to go clean up the shit mess she made last night. It was going to be one hell of a morning. She glanced back at the closed door of the house. She hoped that her message on the paper was enough; she hoped that Regina could understand.

_Sorry, thanks. It won't happen again._

_-E_

Last night never happened.

* * *

Regina looked at the note and frowned. The brunette had woken up much earlier than intended because the entire night she couldn't sleep knowing Emma Swan was unconscious and drunk sleeping downstairs on her couch. Then when she finally dragged herself out of bed just to go check on the blonde she was gone and all that was left was whatever this pathetic attempt at a note was.

"Mom!" She heard Henry whine from the kitchen. "I'm hungry! Can we make pancakes?" Brown hair peaked out around the corner and big green eyes that looked awfully familiar stared at her helplessly. She sighed, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips.

"Henry how many times have I told you pancakes are unhealthy?" Regina said with a hand on her hip. "It's too much sugar in the morning, you need something nutritious."

"Aww come on, I'll even make them for us! Emma taught me the best way to make them, plus I made coffee for you to…." He said waggling his eyebrows playfully.

The mayor stared at her pleading son knowing that she could never win. She never had been able to deny him what he wanted and he had made her coffee this morning. "Fine, but only this once Henry."

The young boy gave a large grin that almost split his face before pumping his fist in success. "Yes! You're the best! I swear they'll be the best pancakes ever! I'll even put chocolate chips in them!" Regina laughed at his enthusiasm.

Feet padded off quickly back to the kitchen before padding back over to the living room. "Mom?"

"Yes?"

"What's in your hand? You're kind of crushing it and if it's important I don't want you to ruin it ya know…" He said pointing at the flimsy piece of paper that was Emma's note. Regina eyebrows knotted as she quickly crushed the paper completely.

"Huh? Oh this…" She said raising the ruined note. "It was just trash, don't worry about it honey. Go start the pancakes and I'll be there in a minute to help."

Henry eyed her for a moment suspiciously before shrugging his shoulders and running back to the kitchen excited. "Pancakes!" The brunette smiled watching her son. Tossing the paper in the trash she thought of Emma.

If the blonde thought for one moment she was going to let this go she had another thing coming. She had every intention of finding out just what the hell last night was and she was going to do it soon.

Emma wrapped the bandage around her arm. The blood seeped through the white cloth easily, but the blonde didn't really have any other choice. Really it had been an accident, completely unintentional but that didn't stop it from looking any worse.

When she first came into the sheriff office she had been more than a little put off by what she found. The entire room was trashed, ruined at every corner. Things were flung everywhere and glass littered the floor.

It had taken two hours in itself just to pick everything up and clean it to a least presentable state. She had been picking up the last of the glass before she had mistakenly fallen causing the glass she was holding to slice a gash in her forearm.

She winced as she finished tying the last knot of her make-shift bandage. It wasn't great but it would hold. Sitting down in her chair she didn't really know what to feel. After the initial grimace at the office, she had gone through everything methodically and calmly cleaning the office.

She didn't feel anything. Looking at everything, she just felt _nothing_. The more she cleaned the more tidbits of memories that came back to her, but it was like watching it from third person. That wasn't her. It couldn't be.

She had forgotten she could ever be like that. Emma had thought she had buried that part of her away so far that it would never resurface. She had drowned it, trying to kill every part of her past. Every part that made her who she was today.

Her hand worked its way down to the bottom drawer at her desk, pulling it open. When the box was empty, she wasn't totally surprised.

She had wanted to be wrong. When the blonde hadn't found it this morning she had prayed it would be here. She didn't mean to need it like she did, but it was the only way she felt _safe_. With it she had a way out, without it she was trapped.

Emma recognized the small bit of shame that welled up within her at the incessant need for it, especially since she had gone almost the whole year without it for the first time since she was sixteen. It had been an accomplishment to let it go, but the minute she had picked it up two days ago she knew she was falling. She was falling, and she was falling fast.

She felt vulnerable and if there was one thing Emma Swan wouldn't be it was vulnerable.

Emma's attention was turned elsewhere as her phone began to vibrate on the desk. Quickly shutting the drawer she picked it up to see Regina's name flash on the screen.

"_Damn."_

"Sheriff." She picked up answering formally.

"Miss Swan we need to talk." Regina's voice came out clipped and Emma knew she was in trouble.

Green eyes darted to the clock. She knew the brunette had just dropped Henry off school at and was probably on her way to the mayor's office now. She'd give Regina credit, she had timed it perfectly. "I'm sorry; I'm a bit busy with work today. Another time maybe?"

The phone buzzed immediately. "It wasn't a question dear. You will be here at my office at 11am this morning. And for your sake I hope that you aren't late." She hung up after that.

"Fuck…" Emma cursed closing the phone angrily. She glanced back at the clock.

_9:54am_

Getting up quickly she stalked towards the door. She had an hour to go kill the treadmill.

* * *

"Mayor Mills, Sheriff Swan is here." The receptionist spoke into her phone. Emma fidgeted as she stood. When the phone was hung up the receptionist smiled. It looked fake and the blonde briefly wondered what Storybrooke character she was in the Enchanted forest. An entire year here and she still didn't know.

"She'll see you now."

Emma said her brief thanks before walking in. She kept her eyes trained on the floor and when she entered the office she shut the door behind her. She breathed in slowly before finally turning to face the one person she'd rather not see.

"Regina." She said nodding in recognition.

Regina looked up from her paperwork with a rue smile. "Late as always Miss Swan."

Emma walked over and chose to ignore the seat offered. It felt better standing. It was easier to run that way. Silence ensured between the two women. The blonde was sure Regina had questions about the previous night, questions she had no intention of ever answering.

Yet the blonde couldn't deny that being able to be open with someone would be better than being alone all the time. Especially since she was afraid that she was losing control again.

On the other side Regina stared at Emma Swan. And it was differently than she had previously. In past occasions she always knew what to say. She always had some scalding remark, but as she sat here staring at Emma now she had no idea.

There was nothing in green eyes. It unnerved Regina. Emma had never been so blank. Yesterday this would have been easy. Today it seemed so hard to say anything because all she could think about was Emma dancing. All she could think about was Emma crying. All she could think about was how close their lips were together.

Emma Swan had completely overtaken every thought on Regina's mind and she had no idea how to stop it.

The blonde woman finally coughed and ruined their awkward silence. Regina thankfully blinked out of her haze to pay attention. "So what exactly did you want to talk about?"

It was a stupid question. Both of them knew exactly what they here to talk about.

Regina's hand slid under her desk. And when it came back up the dark metal weapon echoed loudly on the wooden desk. "I believe you already know _Miss Swan_." She saw Emma's lips form a hard thin line in response.

Briefly Regina flashed back to the night before when Emma danced with her. Whispered in her ear and trailed her lips on her skin. When she had huskily told her to call the blonde by her first name. She wondered how much Emma actually remembered?

The blonde woman's hands immediately reached out to grab the firearm. Regina was faster pulling it back into her grasp smoothly. "I went to return this to our weapons cabinet only to find that it wasn't one of ours."

Emma's tongue darted out to lick her dry lips, eyes focused on the gun. "It's not the towns. It's registered in my name. I have a permit." She finally snapped in response.

Regina narrowed her eyes. "I believe in this town you are supposed to check in all personal firearms."

Emma cocked her head with a scowl on her face. "I'm _sheriff_. I know every fire arm in this town, _including_ my own."

"And exactly why does the _sheriff_ need her own personal firearm in a town she is protecting?" The brunette questioned. Emma was quiet. "I have no intentions of asking again." Regina said mockingly.

"Personal reasons."

"I'm the mayor, I've heard everything dear. " Regina said with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. The blonde bit the inside of her lip.

_Flashback_

"_Girlie! Come here!" _

_Emma sucked in a breath from the kitchen. He was calling for her again. Slowly she made her way out and towards the living room. At sixteen and unadopted they had finally placed her in a foster home with no other options._

_And this is where she had ended up. _

_Emma peeked out at the man. He was thirty, unemployed and disgusting. He made his living off of the foster kids he took in. The stipend that was supposed to go into taking care of them instead used to pay off his beer and cigarette debts. _

_From the corner of her eyes she saw her foster siblings peer out afraid. The two siblings had only recently come into the household. It was odd to see sisters like this not already adopted especially since they were still so young. They were still in what Emma dubbed, "the cute and innocent phase". _

_They really had been unlucky in getting placed in this particular home. They all had. _

"_Go." Emma mouthed to them silently. "Closet." She watched with some relief as they scampered off into the closet. Their only safe place in the house. _

_She felt a heavy weight in the back of her ratty jeans that she wore, but continued on anyway. Today something terrible was going to happen. She felt it. She prayed to whatever God that was up there she was wrong. _

_If nothing else she would have to make sure the kids would be okay. They deserved better. She expected stuff like this for herself, but not them. _

_The blonde made her way to the living room and stood in front of the aging man on her couch. In nothing but pair of sweats and a dirty wife beater he sat avidly watching the television set in front of him, laughing haughtily. _

_Emma stood quietly waiting to be addressed. When he finally turned to her he smiled to her sweetly. "There you are girlie. I've been so lonely; lord knows I can't ever find the other two when I'm looking for some company." He blew out a puff of smoke. Emma was so used to it at this point she didn't cringe anymore at the smell as it clouded her face. _

"_Did you want another sandwich?" She said plainly. _

_The man narrowed his eyes and stood up. Emma didn't move. If you moved or backed away it would only be worse. When his hand hit her face she didn't make a sound. She felt the pain and the stinging in her cheek, but she refused to react. _

"_Watch your tone with me." He said roughly. Frowning he then took her face in his greasy hand. "See look what you've done now, that'll bruise your pretty skin." His thumb brushed right under her eye and she flinched at the sensitive spot. _

_He smiled sympathetically and some part of her recognized that in his mind he actually felt sorry. "Baby I didn't mean it. You know I didn't mean it. I'm sorry my pretty pretty Emma."_

_The blonde nodded, unable to form words. _

"_Here..." He lifted his beer bottle and pressed it to her pale lips firmly. "Drink." She readily opened her mouth and let the vile liquid in. "You see isn't that better?" _

_Emma nodded again. _

"_Good. Now come here." He dragged her over to the couch before sitting down. He opened his legs and motioned for her to sit in between them. Emma felt her nails digging into her palm furiously and she hesitated. _

_She didn't want this. She had never wanted this. _

_Green eyes flashed over to the closet where she saw another pair of eyes watching frightened. A firm tug on her wrist brought her back and the man's angry scowl made her decisions easy. "Emma… sit." The sweet voice was gone and there was a promise of threat if she didn't do as she was told. _

_Small white burn circles on her arm burned with a phantom pain. Every inch of her body begged for her to fight back, but previous lessons had taught her otherwise. _

_Carefully she sat down straddling the man. His hands found her ass and pulled her up closer to him. He moaned, "Yeah, that's better."_

_Emma smiled wanly. "You know I've been thinking, your sixteen now and a growing girl. You've grown up so so much." He said with his fingers teasing the skin under her shirt. "And I'm a growing man and I have certain needs you understand." He said smiling. His eyes flashed down briefly and then looked back up at her._

"_I can make you feel so good." He whispered placing chaste kissed along her neck._

_Emma's heart was hammering. His hand was completely under her shirt now and making their way to her breasts. She didn't want this._

"_No." The word came out of her mouth unwillingly. And the dark flash of the man's eyes was all she needed to know she screwed up. His grip around her tightened painfully. "No?"_

_She was given a chance. Fix her mistake, say the right answer and then this would be painless. _

"_No." Again her mouth betrayed her. _

_The man sneered and the next thing the young blonde knew she was flipped on the couch. Her hands were above her head and he was pressing his full weight on to her. She felt digusting and she couldn't stop the scream that ripped from her throat. _

"_Please, please no. Please don't do this." She begged. _

"_Shhh…" He said into her ear as he unbuckled his pants. "You'll like it; this'll all feel good I promise." His hand clutched her covered breasts possessively, pushing up the flimsy material of her shirt. "You're so pretty Emma. Such a pretty pretty girl." _

"_No! Stop, please stop!" _

_The man grunted when a shoe hit the back of his head. _

"_What the fuck?" He turned around angrily letting go of Emma to see the sisters standing at the closet with tears in their eyes._

"_Stop hurting her!" The youngest one threw another shoe hitting their foster caretaker in the shoulder. A furious look overcame his face. "You little shits, all I do for you and this is how you treat me?"_

_He was quick to get up and approach the girls' fist raised. The girls screamed and Emma sat shocked. He grabbed the eldest by her hair lifting her a foot off the ground. He threw her towards the wall and that is when he started screaming. _

"_You need to be put back in your place little swan. It doesn't have to be like this! I don't want it to be like this, you make me!" He lifted his foot to kick the young girl. It was then that the gunshot echoed in the room. The man fell to the ground with a loud thud as Emma stood behind him gun raised. _

_He didn't move. _

_Red painted her white shirt while Emma's hands shook uncontrollably. Her green eyes were wide with fear and anger. What had she just done? The sisters looked on in shock only momentarily before running over to their foster sister sobbing. _

"_Emma!" They cried into her leg as she stood frozen and unmoving staring at the body on the ground. There was blood. So much blood. _

_Finally after a minute she bent down and gathered the girls into her arms, hugging them. "Come on. Come on we have to go." She quickly grabbed what little they all had to own and quickly exited the small apartment. She had to leave. She had to get out of there._

_Emma carried one of the girls in her arms and held the other sisters hand as they ran down the stairs of their building. The blonde teenager looked at the two little girls and knew immediately she couldn't take them with her. She stood at Room 104 and knocked furiously, eyes darting for anyone to pop out and hurt them. _

_The door swung open a minute later and a much older lady stood unhappy. "Do you even know what time it is!?" She asked furiously. _

_No. She didn't know what time it was. Was it early? Maybe it was late? She didn't even care at this point. _

"_Emma?" The grouchy older woman asked in surprise finally recognizing her. _

_Emma couldn't say anything to in shock of everything, but the younger girl in her arm practically jumped out her grasp and latched onto the old woman's leg. " !" Emma's foster sister started crying again. _

_Emma watched as Ms. Crocker looked at her foster sibling and then to the gun in Emma's hand and the blood that was on her shirt. The blonde quickly let go of her other sibling's hands and shoved her through the door._

_Gone. They were out of her hands and they would be safe. That much she at least knew. _

"_Is he?" Ms. Crocker finally asked staring at Emma in disbelief. She didn't even need to be told, she already knew. Everyone in the building knew what had been going on, but none of them had saved them. None of them had saved Emma from the horrible man. They had left her alone in that room with him. They made her do this. Why? Why her?_

_Emma shook her head and opened her mouth uselessly. "I-I don't know. I- he…."_

_The older woman quickly brought the teenager into a hug. "It's okay. I know." She whispered softly._

"_I have to go." Emma pulled away roughly and looked at the little family. "Take care of them?"_

_Ms. Crocker nodded. "Wait. " She disappeared for a minute before bringing out another small bag. "Here."_

"_I-I can't." _

_The bag was forced into her hands. "Yes, you can. It has enough money to a buy a ticket for anywhere at the bus station. You need to get out of town Emma."_

_She nodded shakily in agreement._

"_It doesn't mean much at this point I know, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I should have done something."_

_The blonde stared at her and then the gun in her hand before she started to shake uncontrollably. Still she slowly slid the firearm back into the waistband of her pants, the heavy weight a comforting feeling. _

"_Go." Ms. Crocker said and that was all the blonde needed to start running. _

_She started running and she never once looked back. _

_Flashback End_

Emma's fist clenched at her sides. "Safety reasons."

Regina scoffed at the answer and slid the gun back into her desk making sure to lock it as she closed the drawer. "Well then, Storybrooke thanks you for your donation Sheriff. I'll be sure to have David add the new addition to our stock later."

"You can't—" Emma started indignantly, desperation welling up in her chest.

"I believe I can! I am the mayor of this town Sheriff!" Regina said raising her voice. She hadn't even realized she had gotten to her feet to stare across the desk at Emma.

The blonde woman sneered. "Just say what you really want to ask me _Mayor Mills_!"

"Fine!" Regina said easily. "Just what were you planning to do with that gun Miss Swan? Shooting imaginary villains, cops and bandits maybe, or is there something else I should know about?" She wasn't sure what she would gain by the last part, but the question hadn't left her mind.

_What was Emma doing with a gun out last night?_

"That's none of your fucking business!"

"I'm making it my business!"

Emma slammed her hands down on the desk. "I don't remember! Happy Regina? I don't fucking remember!" She finally screamed.

Regina quieted for a moment, but the furious look remained. "And exactly why is that?" She snarled.

If looks could kill Emma would have burned Regina a thousand times over. "What? Do you want me to admit out loud that I got drunk off my ass last night and I can't remember anything no matter how hard I try?"

"Yes I actually do dear!" Regina mocked

"Fine! I got drunk and I can't remember a damn thing! My bad!" Emma finished obnoxiously gesturing with her hands. She was quiet for a moment before she continued. "I can't remember a damn thing… it's just blank." She finished much more quietly.

Both of them were silent after that. They're heavy breathing the only audible thing. Regina stared at Emma. She had seen the blonde worked up before but never like this. She hadn't wanted this. She hadn't meant to let it play out this far. It just happened, just like all their other confrontations.

Then there was the small part of the brunette that was stricken with the fact that Emma didn't remember anything. She didn't remember what had happened between them. She didn't remember how close their lips had gotten, how bad Regina had _desperately_ wanted to close the distance.

Regina was the first to look away in their staring contest, but neither said anything. The brunette sat down in her chair and crossed her legs before calmly looking up at the blonde.

It was better that she didn't remember. That's what she needed to tell herself.

"As mayor I'll be requesting that you get a psych evaluation from Dr. Hopper before you go back to work—"

"What?" Emma hissed softly.

"It's protocol. One you never bothered to read up on dear and especially after your incident last night I'm going to have to insist that one be done." It was for her own good. Emma would understand that right?

"You're fucking crazy Regina if for one second you think I'm going to a shrink for my ability to complete my job." Emma said a little shakily. She couldn't. She absolutely wouldn't do that. She refused.

"It's not an option Miss Swan. You will be going."

"Like hell!" Emma finally said finding her voice again. Fear was overtaking her. There was a reason she avidly avoided Archie's office.

"Then please hand over your badge." The words fell out of Regina's mouth before she could stop them. It was just a reaction. Emma Swan was a reaction and she did things she knew she shouldn't, said things she knew she shouldn't.

Emma stared in shock for a moment.

"Either get this done or hand over your badge. I will not have an unstable sheriff walking around with a gun in this town." It was simple. Emma wouldn't hand over her badge. Regina knew she wouldn't.

When the little golden badge fell cold into her hands brown eyes looked up unable to hide their shock. Emma looked at her like the devil itself. "Then I guess I'm resigning."

Without another word the blonde turned around and left leaving Regina holding her badge.

_Flashback_

_She emptied all of the rounds except for one and clicked the glock back into place. She had done this when she was younger. When she wasn't sure if she could go on or not. _

_Green eyes took in the dark space of the Sheriff's office. She had gone through her first bottle of whiskey already and could feel the effects buzzing around in her head. Everything seemed a little off to her, but it was better this way. All of her anger and fear seemed small, it seemed ridiculous now to even think about it. _

_Maybe that was why this was so easy for her._

_She felt the heavy weight of the gun in her hand. It almost had a calming effect on her. Raising the cold metal to the side of her head Emma could feel her hand shake softly. _

_Why? Why was she so weak?_

_She placed her finger on the trigger. There were so many reasons not to do this. She had a son, she had parents and friends, she had Regina to on some occasions. With the alcohol buzzing in her system it was so much easier to accept the things that she knew she was starting to feel for the other woman. _

_The way that she captivated her green eyes. The way she spoke when she was angry. The secret smile she would give when she was watching Henry. Emma was drawn to her in every possible which way. _

_And it was all so much easier to admit when she was drunk. _

_Tears formed in the corner of her eyes. She had all of this and still she sat here pointing her own gun to her head. She was so god damn selfish. _

_But it was just all too much. She couldn't do it. Emma knew she was bound to mess up. It would be better this way wouldn't it? But what would Henry say? What would he do once he found out? And her parents? Would Regina be sad? She was savior; she was supposed to be saving these people._

_Her finger felt the trigger. It was up to luck. Her body shook uncontrollably. She could put the gun down now. She could stop this. Did she really want this? Was she ready to die?_

_Emma pulled the trigger. Yes. Yes, she was. _

_An empty shot fired and Emma sat there with wide eyes in the darkness. Tears welled up in her eyes and a low sobbing sound ripped through her throat. The tears fell faster than she could stop them and she screamed in frustration. _

_Pulling her knees in tight and rocking herself on the cold floor Emma cried because she was too weak and stupid. She was going to lose it all. _

_Hands curled into her hair as she struggled to breathe. "Why?" She moaned out softly. "I'm so sorry. I'm so fucking sorry, please! What did I do to deserve this? Haven't I given up enough already?"_

_She grabbed the whiskey bottle next to her and drank as fast as she could. She didn't want to remember this. She didn't want to remember anything. She just wanted to forget. _

_Flashback End_

As Emma ran out of the Mayor's office not bothering to look back she could only think one thing.

"_I remember everything."_

* * *

_A/N - Heyo, what did you think? I tried to delve a little more into Emma's past b/c I find it interesting. Next chapter will see more interaction between the two and I hoped you liked it. Any thoughts or reviews are welcome. _

_See ya next time. _

_Chasing fantasies_


	3. Chapter 3

A/N at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I don't O.U.A.T

* * *

Regina's breath was visible in the cold night air. It was getting closer and closer to December and as the days went by the weather only became colder. The mayor pointedly didn't like it. She loved the warm weather; she loved the heat on her skin, and the way her tree would give new life in the spring. The red apples that would spring and desperately beg to be cared for.

The winter while admittedly having its perk was irrefutably dead. Nothing could grow and she had found not long ago snow wasn't exactly her thing.

Pulling her jacket in closer to her, her hand dove into her pocket searching for cold keys. It had been a long day at work and she was glad to finally be home. The chilled metal ring that held her saving grace jingled merrily as she slipped the correct one into the door lock.

She twisted the metal sharply and with a happy click the door to her house popped open. Stepping in quickly she was glad for the warmth. The house lights were a comfort to the darkness outside and Regina was quick to take off layers and relax. Her brown eyes immediately went in search for her son.

"Henry?" She called out while placing everything in its proper place. Work papers went on the table, shoes neatly tucked away, and coat hidden back in the closet.

The silence ticked away and there was no answer.

She clucked her tongue softly before walking into the kitchen. The small boy had a tendency to end up there for food; honestly he was a bottomless pit. As he got older she noted that she might have to start cutting back what he ate.

Her jaw tightened only ever so slightly when he wasn't there either. She tried calling him again, "Henry? Where are you?" Still no response. Her eyes darted to the next level of the home as she calmly made her way to the stairs. Walking to where he knew his room was she saw that his door was already wide open.

Eyes poking around the frame, Regina felt a small amount of relief when she saw her son curled up on his bed looking out the window. "Henry I was calling you."

He didn't look at her when he answered mumbling. "Sorry. I didn't hear you." She grimaced and fought the urge to roll her eyes at the obvious lie. She knew that tone. Something was bothering him. But she had found from experience that with boys nothing could be easy.

"How was school?" She asked leaning on the door frame.

Her son shifted uncomfortably, but his gaze never tore from the window. Even if it was dark outside, you could still see the stars if you looked hard enough. As a girl Regina had often pointed out the constellations, finding comfort in her own pretend fairytales. It was a trait she knew she had passed on to her son.

"It was fine."

"And after school what did you do?" She drawled on.

Henry stayed silent for a moment as if debating what to say. "…nothing, I came straight home." His voice wavered slightly and that's when Regina knew that she had caught him in his lie. She wasn't particularly angry; the boy if nothing else could be as closed off about his feelings as his mother. Now which mother that exactly was she wasn't sure.

"Henry… you can tell me the truth." She said gently finally walking towards the bed. The furniture creaked at the extra weight when she sat down next to him, but the boy still stubbornly refused to look at her. Carefully she noticed how the brunette boy shook as he sat legs pulled tightly against his small chest.

His head dropped down and he burrowed himself further into his knees. "I-I don't want you to be angry."

The brunette smiled softly. "Well then I promise not to be angry. Please tell me what's wrong though, I just want to help."

Henry finally sat up and looked at her. His green eyes full of tears that were waiting to fall. His face was screwed up with emotion that she couldn't entirely pick out. "I went and saw Emma today."

Regina bit her lip. She had an inkling of how that might have gone.

"I went and saw Emma today… an-and something's wrong mom! Something's wrong with Emma!" He yelled starting to cry furiously. Regina was caught by surprise when the boy leapt into her arms sobbing. She was quick to pull him in closer though holding him as he wept.

"Henry what happened?" She said tersely. Against her will a small weight of anger and resentment built in her chest at Emma as she looked at her baby boy even though she knew whatever had happened the blonde probably hadn't meant.

He looked up at her eyes desperate, small jaw clenched tightly. "She stopped coming you know? And I just wanted to see what's wrong, I-I thought maybe I had done something. I thought that maybe I had made her angry at me, but when I got there and she opened the door…. sh-she just… she wouldn't even let me in!" He hiccupped, his voice full of heartbreak.

_Flashback_

_Henry looked down at the tiny piece of paper he held in his hands. In little black writing Emma had hastily scrawled on her new address on to it a few weeks ago and told him he could come and visit her whenever. _

_Walking through the apartment building he finally came to stop at Room 3A. He stopped for a moment and tried to gather his thoughts. He had it all planned out. He was going to apologize and he was somehow going to make it up to Emma. _

_He didn't know exactly what he was apologizing for, but he had a few ideas on where maybe he should start. His book bag slung across his shoulders, he had made his way over here straight after school. Honestly, he had been thinking about this for a few days now. _

_Emma had been avoiding him. He knew it and after going over it in his head again and again he had come to the conclusion that it had to be his fault. _

_Yes, he had done something wrong that drove her way. It was the only sensible thing. _

_After all she had promised to come over to his house to see him and Emma always kept her promises. Nothing had ever stopped her. And yet she had just stopped coming. It was only then that every day after school for the past week, Henry had waited by his front door at his house for the doorbell to ring. _

_Emma would show up. She had to eventually right? She had promised. And each day as the door failed to ring, he had lost a little hope. He remembered the last time he had seen her. She had been acting weird and she looked a little sick. All the blonde had said was that she was tired, but Henry hadn't been sure. _

_Now he knew something was wrong. There had to be! There was simply no other explanation. That was how he came to the conclusion that he had done something wrong. Henry thought maybe it was because he hadn't been spending as much time with her. Ever since he had moved back in with his mom it had been a little harder to see her, but they had been making it work. Or at least that's what he thought. _

_Then there was that small part of Henry that was scared that Emma was just tired of him. Maybe, she didn't like him as much anymore. He didn't want that. He loved Emma, with all his heart. That's why he would apologize. He would make it right. Gathering up his courage, he knocked on the door three times. _

_He waited for a while, but there was no answer. Henry bit the inside of his lip nervously and raised his hand again to knock. The wooden door vibrated and he did it louder this time. Maybe she just hadn't heard him…_

"_Emma? Emma, its Henry!" He said loudly into the door hoping she would hear. _

_That was when he finally heard movement. A loud noise crashed behind the wooden entrance and from previous experience he knew it was glass. The boy's eyes flashed with worry. "Emma! Emma, are you okay? Emma!"_

_Finally after what felt like eternity the door opened, but only marginally. "Henry?" The voice was small and hoarse and didn't sound like Emma at all. It was confused and wild and it made him all the more nervous. "Henry what the hell are you doing here?" _

_He stood stock still for a moment. Something was wrong, he could just tell. His birth mother stood between the crack of the door, but she had to lean heavily on the wall as if it was hard to stand. And she looked so tired… she looked sick. _

"_Emma?" He said quietly. "Emma what's wrong?" The small boy stepped up and tried to get closer. _

"_Nothing, I'm…" She coughed loudly and he flinched at the harsh sound. "…I'm just a little busy right now." Emma tried to say more sternly. Although the look in her eyes just said that she was exhausted. "Henry what are you doing here, you should be at home."_

"_Can I come in?" He asked ignoring her question. He shuffled closer trying to make his way in the apartment. He needed to talk to her. He needed to see Emma. He needed to make sure she was okay. For a moment her eyes just froze and she sucked in air as if she couldn't breathe in that one second. He watched as terror filled in her eyes, he watched as she closed the door a little more. _

_He knew her answer before she even said it. _

"_Kid, you can't." She finally spoke as the boy tried to push his way in. He stepped back eyes wide at the refusal. "I'm sorry kid, you can't be here. You have to go." Her voice was starting to crack and she wouldn't look him in the eye. _

"_Emma let me in." Henry said as firmly as he could, but there was no way of mistaking its desperation. "I just want to talk, please?" He had this horrible feeling in the bottom of his stomach and he could feel everything boiling over. _

"_Why are you avoiding me?!" The accusation tore from his lips. He needed answers. _

"_I-I can't explain that right now." Emma replied more softly realizing the turning situation. "I've been really busy lately, it's not like I don't want to see you, but I just can't." It all sounded like excuses. _

_Henry finally gave up and stood at the door staring at her. Tears were starting to gather in his eyes. He had to apologize. That would make this better. "Emma I'm sorry. For whatever I did, I'm sorry. Please don't make me leave, please...?" He tried to hold himself together. He didn't want to cry in front of her. _

_Emma was silent. Henry clenched his fist. "Tell me what I did wrong?"_

_He heard a choking sound erupt from Emma's throat. "No, Henry this isn't your fault. No, no you can't think that kid. This is on me okay? I'm so sorry you thought you did something wrong."_

_The tears were freely falling down his face now. "Then why?" He demanded. "Why can't I see you?"_

"_Yo-you just can't kid. And you have to go. Now." After that she shut the door completely leaving Henry standing there shocked and hurt. _

"_Emma!" He yelled loudly not caring at this point who heard him. He banged on the door knowing that his mother was still there. She had to be. She wouldn't leave him like this. He banged harder. "Emma! Please!" _

_He stood there for another five minutes hitting the door with his small hand. She would open it. She would open it and let him in and they could talk. She couldn't do this to him. She wouldn't. She promised!_

_But after a while, Henry just stopped. He stopped because he finally realized she wasn't going to open the door. He shut his eyes in frustration, his face red with exertion and tears before running and letting his feet carry him all the way home. _

_He couldn't stop the emotion that built up inside of him. And his final words to the closed door came out unwillingly and he knew without a doubt he would regret them later, but he had to say it. He had to make her hurt like she hurt him. "I hate you Emma!" _

_And then he kept on running. He ran while Emma curled up into a ball on the other side of the door crying as well._

_Flashback End_

Regina hugged her son tightly. "It's okay Henry. It's okay."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it mom!" He sobbed. "I didn't mean to say that, I was just so… so angry!" His small body shook in her arms as he tried to hold her tighter.

"I know Henry. It's okay. She knows you didn't mean that, I promise you she knows."

Puffy green eyes looked up at her. "What's wrong with Emma? I-I asked Mary-Margaret today and she hasn't seen Emma in a while to. Something's wrong mom, I just know it!" He said almost desperately, searching for a reason to make sense of everything. "She wouldn't do this! We're family!"

Regina looked stunned for a moment not saying anything. "I don't know honey. " _Lie. _

She knew what was wrong. Maybe not entirely, but the mayor was at least partial to blame for all of this wasn't she? She shouldn't have lied to Henry, but she didn't know what to tell him. Emma would barely talk to her and the entire week Regina had done her best to forget about everything concerning the blonde. If she didn't think about it, it made her feel less guilty.

"Sometimes, sometimes adults just have things they need to work out by themselves…"

That didn't stop her from staring at the Sheriff's badge every night before she went to bed. That didn't stop her from checking to make sure the gun she had confiscated from Emma was still there in her drawer every day she went to work.

It didn't stop her thoughts from constantly floating back to that night.

"Will you talk to her mom?" She finally heard Henry ask quietly from her lap. He was much quieter and she noticed most of his tears had stopped. His eyes were starting to flutter shut and the brunette realized just how long her son might have been agonizing himself over this. "Emma shouldn't have to do this alone."

He loved Emma. And when Emma wasn't around he was hurting.

"I-I don't think that will do much good Henry." She said slowly testing the waters. "Miss Swan and I aren't exactly friends."

"Please mom?" He said as his eyes shut. "I know you guys don't always get along, but…" He hiccupped. "….but Emma cares about you and I know you care about Emma to… so please? Please help her…"

The words left her lips with no hesitation. "I'll try."

That's all Regina could offer to him, but when the smile lit up on her son's face and he fell asleep softly in her arms she knew it was enough. And she would. She would try and she wouldn't do this just for Henry. She would do it for both of them.

Regina wasn't one to run away from things. It was about time she confronted Emma again.

* * *

It had only been almost two weeks since she lost her job. Only two weeks and yet it felt like an eternity. Emma Swan was falling apart and she knew it, but she didn't know how to stop. It seemed like such a foreign concept to her. How did one stop falling? How did she stop running? It was a mental game wasn't it? If Emma truly wanted to stop then she could. She could stop whenever she wanted to.

But she couldn't and she was so impossibly confused as to why.

Her eyes flashed to the clock. It was still early in the morning; the blonde didn't even think the sun had come up yet. It didn't matter though, not really. She hadn't slept anyway. She refused to. When she slept, nightmares plagued her and she couldn't do it anymore. She couldn't see them, not now. So instead she stayed awake.

With a bottle of Jack Daniels, she braved through the dark nights.

The first few days after Emma had resigned it had been easy to stay up through the late hours. It had been easier still to go out and interact with other people. She had managed to talk to her parents and when David had asked why she wasn't at the office it wasn't hard to lie and say she was just taking a break.

The ever caring father that he was just smiled and told her a week or two off would do her well. Neither he nor Mary-Margaret had ever been the wiser of anything else. They were too focused on her new baby sibling to be. She'd lie if she said that she wasn't hurt by that. If she wasn't hurt by the idea that she was being replaced yet again.

No matter how many times she had gone from home to home, from parent to parent it never got any easier. And here she thought she had actually found a family, the people who were her parents. She couldn't have gotten any better than that right? Yet after _everything_ she still wasn't good enough. Emma still wasn't loved. She was broken out of her reverie when her stomach ached in pain.

She bit back the strangled cry that constricted her throat. _"When's the last time I've eaten?" _Forcing herself to think she thought back to four nights ago. She had made a sandwich. It hadn't been much and she had to force it down her throat, but she had eaten. After that though it just hadn't seemed particular important.

Eating just seemed trivial.

Emma groaned. Even the thought of food made her feel nauseous. She sank deeper into the couch of her new apartment. She hadn't slept in the bed. She hadn't felt the need to. The first day she had come in she placed all her boxes by the door, took out a blanket and made her sanctuary on the couch, scratchy and uncomfortable as it was.

The walls were bare and Emma's green eyes inevitably always fell back to the stack of boxes right next to her door. The blonde wasn't sure why she couldn't unpack them. She sat in front of them every morning scissors in hand ready to open them, ready to unload and settle in, ready to make her home.

And then she just never did. And so the boxes sat their day and night mocking her.

Emma moved on. It wasn't good to think about them. It only led to unhappy thoughts, to crazy thoughts that would have consequences she would regret later. But then again wasn't that her entire life?

"_No. Not all of it…" _A little boy with bright green eyes and moppy brown hair popped into her head. _"Henry has never been a mistake."_

After resigning, Emma had still kept her promise. She went and saw him for a few days, but recently that to had started to change. He was always so happy to see her. And she kept going to the Mills house despite Regina being there. She had even made small talk with the woman because Henry needed to know she was alright.

He needed to know that nothing had changed, despite the dark circles under her eyes.

He was smart though and Emma saw the wary glances he had given her the last time she visited. She had looked horrible. She had tried to cover up and play it off as just being sick, but he would only believe her for so long. And after leaving on Wedsnday she didn't go back again.

She couldn't go back until she got her shit together.

And then he had just shown up here yesterday. That's when she truly knew she had fucked up. She should have made up an excuse, some reason as to why she hadn't come over because now her kid believed that he had done something wrong. Her perfect amazing kid thought something was wrong with him.

She couldn't even open the door to him because she looked like shit. She knew what she looked like and she was so afraid as to what her son would think of her if he saw her. Even when he had begged all she wanted to do was tell him everything would be okay and she couldn't. That had hurt. That had hurt worse then everything else.

When he finally ran off yelling how he hated her, Emma had thought her heart would break and fall into a million pieces. Her son _hated_ her. Why did she fuck up every good thing she touched?

It hurt her so much to think about him and inevitably when she thought about him she thought about his mother. When her mind wasn't on Henry it always seemed to fall back to Regina. Emma thought it was a dream. That day two weeks ago when she had lost her job she had prayed it was a dream. Some cruel joke that her imagination had conjured up to haunt her.

But then she had seen Regina and she knew it was real. She didn't know exactly what she had seen in brown eyes the few times she had come over to see Henry, but something was there. And she wished, _she wished_ she knew what emotion was in those brown eyes but she didn't. It was all one giant question mark and she couldn't stop the bitterness that crept into her.

The pleasantries between them were sickeningly sweet. They said their greetings, mentioned something about the weather, and then sat there staring at each other until Henry dragged her away. She hated it.

They hadn't even discussed what had happened between them. That included both times they had met: in the mayor's office and in the sheriff's office the night before. It was funny how Emma remembered everything with startling clarity now. If she had ever wanted to be friends with Regina before she knew it wasn't going to happen now.

Emma frowned miserably. _"I practically sexually assaulted her! What in the actual fuck was I thinking?"_

And yet despite all of that, both of the women hadn't brought either occasion up again. It was as if nothing had changed, but they both knew everything was different. Things were tenser than they were before between them.

Nothing could change the fact though that Emma just simply couldn't forgive what Regina had done. There was still a small part of her that boiled with anger for trying to humiliate her after everything. Emma had put some trust into Regina after that night because she had seen something of the blonde that no one else had. She had thought there was some mutual understanding that it wasn't something to be taken lightly.

Still she crossed the line that morning and Emma didn't know if she could move past it.

The blonde could feel her eyes start to get heavy. Everything started to shutter to a close as her body relaxed into the couch. Every fiber of her being begged to just sleep, begged for release. It was then that terror filled every inch of her body. She couldn't sleep. She just couldn't, not with her nightmares. Quickly making a decision she got up.

The sun was just starting to peak through the window and if she went out now there would be hardly anyone to see her. Throwing on a pair of sunglasses to hide the dark circles under her eyes, she hurried out the door. A walk would do her some good and maybe some caffeine as well.

* * *

Emma sat in the very back of Granny's diner. The small eatery was practically empty, but the blonde didn't care. The less people that saw her the better. When she had come in Ruby had seated her and got her coffee.

She had made a habit of this the past week. She would come in early in the morning when no one was here and just sit. Usually she would order a coffee and a small breakfast if she thought she could manage it. Lately it had been more often not.

It didn't help now that Granny personally sent Ruby back over every five minutes to ask her if she wanted anything to eat. And every time she came over, Emma would politely decline before getting the death glare from the older woman back in the kitchen.

She could feel the holes the motherly hen was burning in the back of her head.

A small part of her registered she wouldn't be able to come over here much longer anyway. While Ruby was willing to stay silent on Emma's behalf not saying anything to her parents the blonde knew she was only testing Eugenia's patience. Granny was fierce and it wouldn't be much longer before she pounced on Emma.

Ruby came over right on time. "Emma are you _sure_ you don't want anything to eat?" The tone in her voice begged her friend to eat something, but she wouldn't relent. Not on this.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks Ruby." Emma said dismissively waving her hand. She felt terrible for a moment. She didn't realize when she had just cut everyone off, but she had. It felt like years since she had just sat with someone and talked about absolutely nothing simply because they could.

The cup of coffee she ordered earlier sat in front of her. She didn't even know why she asked for it. From the minute it had been handed to her she hadn't taken a drink from it. Instead Emma simply held it in her hands, absorbing as much warmth from it as she could and even that had left her a long time ago.

The steaming liquid was now cold and she was sitting here for no reason. She didn't want to go back to her apartment though. She couldn't, not just yet. Everytime she went back four empty walls stared at her and she was locked away alone with her thoughts. Emma wasn't good with thoughts. That's why half the time she worked out if not just to keep herself busy.

The past few days though she hadn't even had the energy to do that. She really was pathetic.

It was the sharp clack of heels that got her out of head. "I think I'll sit right here Miss Lucas."

"Regina!" Ruby hissed, but it was too late. Green eyes had met brown and there was no Henry to make things civilized between them. As Regina sat down right across from her, Emma began to slide out.

"I'm out." Was all she had to say.

Ruby who was there looked frantic. "Emma no, you hav—"

"Miss Swan I suggest you take a seat." It was funny how Regina's voice always seemed to cut through everything else. It was so clear in Emma's mind, as if Regina's voice was the only thing she was supposed to hear.

Emma scowled behind her glasses as she stood up. "Why is that Madame Mayor?" She shouldn't have responded. She knows she shouldn't have, but Emma just couldn't not challenge her. She had to. It was only natural, no matter how much it hurt her in the end.

Regina merely picked up the menu at the table and responded without looking at Emma once. "Because I believe we need to have a talk." Her eyes flitted only briefly to Emma as if she was just some passing object on the side of the road. That's what got her. That's what crawled under her skin and set a fire in her chest.

How could the brunette be so demanding and not even think the blonde was worth the effort to look in the eye? It infuriated her. And deep down that's why Emma simply couldn't walk away from Regina. Because she refused to be ignored. Regina would not ignore her like everyone else.

"What you mean kind of like the last time we talked?" Emma bit out venoumously.

Regina visibly flinched at that before composing herself once again. The blonde smiled vindictively. The mayor finally turned her full attention to her. "There are things I would like to discuss with you—" Emma scoffed getting ready to leave. "Things that include how you influence our son when he comes to visit you after school." Regina's voice finished in a tone that was unforgiving.

The blonde froze and a wave of shame filled her. Henry's words quickly came rushing back to her and Emma knew she wasn't leaving the diner anytime soon. Ruby watched the interaction between the two women with rapt attention and when her friend finally slowly slid back into the booth she sighed with relief.

She might not be the biggest fan of Regina, but Ruby knew someone was going to have to talk to Emma soon and she didn't think she had the strength to be the one to do it. She walked away after casting them one more glance to serve the other customers. It seemed as if Leroy was getting rowdy again for his eggs.

"Take the glasses off." Regina said simply folding her hands across the table.

"No. And just where the hell do you get off thinking you can tell me what I can do?" Emma asked frowning.

Regina clucked her tongue in annoyance as her eyes narrowed. "It's called _table manners_ dear, something I'm sure even with your limited intelligence you can understand." Emma was about to make a cutting remark, but was cut off as the brunette continued.

"And I would like to see exactly what frightened my son so much that he sat in his room _sobbing_ about what was wrong with his birth mother and why she wouldn't let him in." The blonde was silent at that. Regina didn't want to be particularly cruel to her, but she knew to get anywhere with her she was going to have to force her.

Emma said nothing as her hand rose and slowly took off her sunglasses. Regina fought the urge to cringe as she stared impassively at the blonde. Even with the glasses it had been apparently easy to see how much worse the blonde was since the last time she had seen her, but now she understood the reasons in which she had been vehement to keep the glasses on.

Her eyes were bloodshot, but the bags underneath of them were dark enough to be bruises. Her cheeks seemed to have sunken in and for the first time Regina noticed just how thin the blonde looked. It was worse, so much worse than what she thought it was.

Despite her broken look, Emma managed to sit tall. She wasn't backing down. Regina couldn't tell if it was out of sheer stupidity or endless practice.

The blonde shoved the glasses in her pocket before speaking. "I'm sorry for Henry. I _truly_ am, I _never_ meant for him to see me like that." Her voice was firm and while she meant every word she said there was no emotion in the speech. It just seemed empty and hoarse.

"Of course." Regina said mockingly. "But if you actually meant that Miss Swan then I believe you would actually be doing something to fix this." She finished softly hissing at her. Her eyes raked up and down Emma's body. Everything was wrong.

The blonde's eyes lit up in anger. "Don't you dare start that _Mayor Mills, _if I remember correctly you took my—"

Granny popped at their table with a friendly smile and her voice sickeningly sweet. "Ready to order girls?"

The blonde was ready to decline before the mayor spoke up. "Actually yes, that would be great Eugenia." She said smiling. "I'll just have my regular with a coffee today and if I could get the fruit on the side that'd be wonderful."

Granny nodded not needing a notepad to write down the order. Her eyes shifted to Emma and her smile faltered momentarily as her eyes took in her grandaughter's friend. She knew better than to pity the girl though. That would only make it worse.

"And you?" There was a dangerous lilt behind her voice and Emma frowned slightly. She loved Granny, but she wouldn't be bullied into ordering food.

"I'm fin—"

"She'll have the waffles and a refill on her coffee as well."

"Regina!" Emma hissed.

"Great! The food will be out momentarily." And with that the older woman left to the kitchen. Emma shot a scathing look at the brunette.

"What the hell Regina!" She said trying to hold her temper.

Regina looked nonchalant, eyebrows scrunching together only slightly showing her irratation. "Exactly when was the last time you've eaten?"

"I'm not having this conversation with you." The blonde said fiercly.

"I believe you are Miss Swan." The brunette said calmly refusing to back down. "You are not a child so I implore you to stop acting like one. You're a mess. Get yourself together."

The anger behind Emma's eyes dissipated and it was replaced by something else. "You think I don't know that?" She whispered softly. "You think I'm not trying?!"

Regina was taken back for a moment. Pulling herself togethershe spoke, "No, I think you need _help_."

The blonde gave a bark of laughter. "And who's going to do that? You? Please spare me that made it evidently clear that you don't care what the _fuck_ I do unless it intereferes with your _perfect_ life." Emma's hand tightened unconsciously as desperation clawed inside of her.

The brunette felt a pang of hurt at that. She wanted to help. Everything in her screamed to help Emma, she just didn't know how. What exactly did the blonde think she was doing here now? "I tried Miss Swan." Regina didn't like the inflection in her voice.

Emma scowled. "By what? Trying to send me to Archie? Forcing me to quit my job? Really, tell me in what scenario does any of that help _me_? Just admit that you don't give a damn and leave! Henry already told me he hates me!" The blonde hated how her voice cracked and her shoulders sagged.

_Say it._ Emma needed to hear her say it. She needed to hear Regina say that she didn't care. Because then she could move on from this, move on from Storybrooke. This was a block on her way down. After this she could just fall and not care.

Regina was quiet. A desperate look overcame Emma's face. Why? Why did she do this to her?

"You took _everything_ from me. I have _nothing_. So please just _fucking_ say it and be done!" Emma demanded. She didn't know where the words were coming from, but it felt so good to say them. It felt as if she'd been waiting a lifetime to say it. She needed this. She needed someone to say she could let go. She needed someone to let her just float away to nothing. All Regina had to do was say it.

"I-" The brunette was at a loss for words. She was wrong. She did care. She cared too much. Why couldn't Emma see that? More importantly why couldn't she just say it? Three little words. They didn't have to have any true meaning behind them all she had to do was say it. She had to say it for Henry.

"_I do care."_ It was simple to say in her head. Now say them aloud. "I-" She stuttered again.

"Food's up!" Granny said interrupting them again. The duo was broken out of their little world and stared only momentarily at each other before focusing on the older woman. Even for her old age Granny was still agile.

She set Regina's platter down with ease and then set Emma's waffles down in front of her. The brunette immediately schooled her features back to neutral, genuinley happy for the distraction.

"Enjoy girls." Granny said one more time eyeing Emma specifically before waddling away.

Emma looked down at her plate and thought she was going to be sick. Her stomch ached with so much pain that she knew she should be hungry. But she wasn't. The smell itself was enough to make Emma want to vomit.

She scooted back as far as she possibly could in her seat. She needed distance from everything.

Regina quietly watched. "Are you going to eat dear?" It was a challenge.

Emma looked up at her, eyes wide. She wondered if she looked green. She shook her head slowly, "I-I'm really not hungry. I'll pay for this, but—"

"Eat."

As the blonde stared at the mayor she didn't know what to do, but her body reacted. Dejectedly, her hand grabbed the utensils and began cutting the waffle into smaller pieces. She couldn't. She was going to be sick.

Still her body moved and Regina continued to watch unmoving. When Emma finally got a good piece she picked it up with her fork and hesitated. Green eyes flashed over to Regina. She was fine. She could do this. She had to prove to Regina she was okay.

The blonde smiled weakly and then popped the waffle into her mouth. Her entire body recoiled at the object and she had to force herself not to gag as she chewed. Regina didn't seem to notice and nodded with approval before starting her own meal.

"You see was that so bad Miss Swa—" She didn't have time to finish as the blonde got up and ran out of the diner. Regina sat slack-jawed only for a second before she got up to go follow. She placed some money down not to worried about the price. If it wasn't enough she'd pay later.

She made her way quickly to the door only to be stopped by Ruby.

"Miss Lucas I have no idea what you think—" She started angrily. She couldn't stop her eyes from searching for any signs of where Emma ran off to.

"I don't know what's wrong with her. I'm scared and I've never seen her like this and I don't know what to do. The only reason I haven't told Mary-Margaret is because I think that would make things worse than better. And I don't know why _you_ of all people could do anything to help Emma, but its you. You're the only one who Emma seems to even give the time of day even though you're a total _bitch_, but she just ignores me at this point. So whatever the hell is going on with her, just… just make sure she comes out of this okay… please…"

Ruby said everything faster than Regina thought humanly possible, but somehow she got it. She didn't know what to say. Everything was still moving a little to quickly for her to register and her main priorty was Emma. Find Emma.

Ruby stepped aside from the door. "Go."

Regina didn't need to be told twice as she flew out the entrance and on to the street.

* * *

Emma tried to hold it in. Honestly she did. She just couldn't.

When she ran out of the diner, she found the nearest alley and took shelter there. Her body was on autopilot and the minute she was out of sight she couldn't keep the contents of stomach down. She pressed the palms of her hand on the wall to support herself as she began to dry heave.

It was horrible. Tears sprung into her eyes as she finally began to vomit painfully. It was only a waffle. Why the fuck couldn't she eat a damn waffle? There was absolutely nothing in her stomach. It was so painful and the the bile was disgusting.

She openly cried now, not caring. She felt so sick. Just thinking about the food had her dry heaving all over again. She beat her fist against the wall. "Fuck!" She coughed as she felt her stomach rebelling all over again.

It was then that she felt the hand on her back. It was a light touch and she felt someone pull her hair up behind her so it wasn't in her face. Emma didn't have time to see who it was as she vomited again at her feet.

The hand on her back moved in smooth circles and finally she heard a voice. "It's okay. It's okay, I'm right here."

As Emma finished emptying the contents of her stomach she turned her head slightly to meet the eyes of Regina. A well of emotions surged up inside of her and she choked back a sob.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered softly at first. And it was like a domino effect as everything seemed to pour right out of her. "I'm so fucking sorry. I'm trying, I'm trying so god damn hard." She beat her hand into the brick wall again not caring if it bruised or bled.

Emma screamed out in frustration as she sobbed in front of Regina. Why? Why did this always happen to her?

"Go." She said hoarsely. "Please just go." Emma begged her. She couldn't see her like this. Regina already had the power to completely break her, she couldn't see her like this. Hadn't she been humiliated enough?

Emma tried to push Regina away, but the woman just pulled her into her arms reacting on instinct. Wrapping her arms around the blondes waist it felt so similar to that night two weeks ago. It felt so right.

The blonde buried her head into her shoulder not caring if she got Regina's designer jacket wet. She didn't want to be alone. Not right now. Not when she wasn't sure if this was even real.

"Emma." The words seemed so simple now. "I do care."

* * *

A/N - Hey, here's the next chapter and I've edited it since I previously posted it. I'm hopefully back and I'm working on the next chapter although any reviews or thoughts would be very helpful. Let me know what you think and leave a review. Thanks!

Chasing fantasies


	4. Note

Heyo, it's been a while. But I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things and the next chapter should be up within the week. I promise to try and make it a good one. So sorry for the delay. I've edited all the other chapters though so no more grammar mistakes for the most part.

Hope everyone is having a good new year (I'm late about that to, but hey better late than never yeah?)

Chasing fantasies


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